presentsThe Evolving Self
When growth is the only option...

The Evolving Self is an e-newsletter that reflects the belief that growth is a choice that can bring an ever deepening and expanding awareness of who we are and what we are here for. The reader can expect affirmations, quotes, book reviews, insightful commentary and tips that support the growth of the individual.

Affirmation: I am loving, I am loveable, I am loved.

Quote: "In a world where you can be anything, be kind." -Unknown

Newsletter archives:

March 2019 - Losing Things/Re-ordering Things

February 2019 - Tortured From Within/Managing the Brain

January 2019 - Repetition Compulsion/Making Conscious Choices

Certified Aromatherapist

As a Certified Aromatherapist, I am qualified to make custom blends to address various health concerns and skin issues. Many aromatherapy blends also have a quality of emotional support.

If you are interested in custom blends to support your physical and/or emotional health and/or coaching along with aromatherapy solutions, please email me at

Contact me to get your own custom blend!


I was at the grocery store one day pushing my cart up and down the aisles, when I paused to wait for a couple who were deciding on an item. As the man reached in front of me to pull an item off the shelf, he said, "Excuse me."

I was so delighted with his politeness that I commented to him, "Thank you so much for acknowledging me." He turned to his companion and said, "See? I'm not the only one." We laughed and high 5'd. 

In the grocery store or any store for that matter, I often find myself  feeling frustrated that people aren't more polite when they reach in front of you or block the aisle, or even clip your heel with their cart. Of course, the battle in the parking lot is even worse. The bottome line: I think there is a general increase in incivility in the world.

Here are few contributing factors.

#1 People have different training. While I was raised during a time when manners and etiquette were very important and were frankly, hammered into my head. Not everyone has the same standards of behavior. It doesn't necessarily mean that one way is right and the other wrong. However, manners are not taught formally as they once were.

#2 I don't know if you've noticed it, but people are totally checked out. I don't think the average person is lacking in intelligence, however there is strong evidence that some people aren't employing the intelligence they have. They're not paying attention. You typically won't use your best manners if you just don't see the other people around you because you are preoccupied with something else. Need I bring up the subject of the phone/tablet trance that many people are in?

#3 Many people just don't care. Yeah, I see you, but you and your needs are so unimportant to me that I just blocked it out. I am way more important than you anyway, therefore, you should wait for me. This is called entitlement.

#4 The Toothache Syndrome: People are so focused on their own pain that they don't care about or even see anyone else. People seem to be more angry, more afraid and more depressed than ever. I can't say whether that is a symptom of what's going on in their personal lives or a reflection of the world as a whole, but it shows.

I have been spending a lot of time lately on personal growth efforts. Specifically, to connect with my needs and feelings. The more I find ways to honor my needs and to love myself, the nicer I am to people I encounter in my day.

Beoming the Monster

Years ago I encountered a person who told me about the serious childhood abuse she had experienced at the hands of one of her brothers. When she went to her parents looking for help, she got no support. Not only were they not receptive, they denied her claims despite the physical evidence.

Many people have experienced abuse of one form or another. We are all human, of course, and I believe we are all doing the best we can under our unique circumstances, however, some people are unable to avoid becoming the monster. In fact, a very high percentage of people who commit abuse were themselves abused as children.

In the name of justification and rationalization, some people put themselves and their needs before anything and anyone else. This was definitely the case with the person I mentioned above.

One minute she would humbly ask for help, in the next minute she would take advantage of others both financially and otherwise by being sneaky and deceiptful. Her behavior lacked integrity and just plain honesty.

This may be one of those instances that I refer to as the Human Dilemma. If you think about it, most people do not come out of childhood unscathed. Dysfunctional behavior and family dynamics are passed from generation to generation. While you may be angry and  justifiably so, who can you really blame? Your parents? Their parents? All the way back through time, people were being abused and not getting their needs met. Perhaps this person needed to find a way to listen to herself.

I have long believed that a large part of the problem that many of us have, is that we don't adequately address our feelings. My dear friend who recently lost his mother, was reminding me of this. When I asked him if he had gotten a chance to grieve, he said that he was trying to create the space to do that. There often isn't in our lives, space to just feel. We show up for work and have to be productive and "normal" which by definition excludes the opportunity to simply be real.

If you are interested in connecting with your needs and feelings or in loving yourself more, please email me to learn more about Life Coaching.

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Jaqui Duvall works as a coach, mentor, trainer, facilitator and public speaker developing and delivering workshops, leading mentoring groups and working with individuals to help them identify and express their inner spirit and live a life of consciousness and intention. •  San Jose