Assertiveness & Self Esteem
Learn to express yourself and own your power. Six Tuesdays August 11 - September 15, 2009 6:00 - 8:30 PM, Kaiser Permanente San Jose.

Narcissism: A Seminar About What it is and How to Respond
Thursday, August 27, 2009 6:00 - 8:30 PM, Kaiser Permanente San Jose. Call 408-972-3340 to register.

Using Affirmations to Raise Self-Esteem. Learn to reprogram your inner critic. Wednesday, September 30, 2009, 6:00 PM - 8:30 PM, Kaiser Permanente, San Jose, call 408-972-3340 to register.

Positive Affirmations & Prayers to Lift Your Spirits Audio Program.

Now available as an Amazon MP3 Download

Affirmation: I know that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. This moment is perfect!

Quote: Things happen around you, and things may happen to you, but the only things that really count are the things that happen in you. Eric Butterworth

Have you ever noticed that we learn more from failure than we do from success? Sometimes our mistakes are more impactful than our best results?

I had an experience recently that brought home a few very valuable lessons. I was in the midst of a situation that had historically been very challenging for me, dealing with a person with whom I have experienced trauma and disappointment.

It would have been best to use all the tools I have and know and teach, like meditation, mindfulness, grounding, and setting energetic and emotional boundaries, not to mention just simply breathing. But I did none of those things. I was shut down. Have you ever experienced this? I felt so much stress and so much fear and this is not present day fear I'm talking about but conditioned, post-traumatic stress fear, that I shut down. I felt a wave of heat moving through my body, I felt nauseous, I felt a little light headed and I wasn't focusing my eyes on anything. I felt like voices and sounds were echoing in my head. I had completely checked out.

This experience was in stark contrast to the assertive, powerful person I have groomed and managed through the years. This was the child I was, standing there stiff and braced for impact, waiting for it to pass so I could get the hell out of there.

Here are some things I learned from this experience:

1) When you know you're going into the lion's den, when you can't avoid it, or when you know it's time to face the lion, go prepared.

2) Take a friend with you, but plan ahead of time things they can say and do that will help keep you grounded and centered in your body.

3) Meditate ahead of time, using grounding and other energetic boundaries to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally.

4) Be very clear about the outcome you want. What is your bottom line? How will you deal with conflict? Think all this through to the best of your ability to be prepared so you don't have to think in the moment as much as possible.

5) And most importantly, keep breathing!

The next Assertiveness & Self Esteem class is coming up, August 11 - September 15. Please join me to learn how to stand up for yourself in the midst of anxiety and stress.

Newsletter Archives:
May 2009 - I Love and Accept Myself Exactly As I Am/The Most Overlooked Resource
June 2009 - What Kills the Killer Instinct/I Choose Joy
July 2009 - Are You Stuck in the Freeze?/The Deepest Truth

I was recently interviewed by one of my clients, check it out on her blog

Have you ever tried to let go of a resentment, anger or past grievance but seemed completely incapable of doing it? Perhaps you have even worked at it, processed it, talked about it, ranted and raved in an attempt to release the feelings and still, it haunts your life.

Most people have such moments of feeling really stuck. Being paralyzed in fear and pain, so angry and so hurt by someone you love and was supposed to love you that you feel like your body can't even contain the pain.

I've had a couple of these issues "hanging" around my life. I've actually had people say, "Get over it!". It's probably true for you too. If I had been able to just "get over it", believe me, I would have done so by now.

The truth is, you can't push the river. It takes what it takes. Sometimes we have to accept where we are before we can move on.

There are times when I get so gung ho about processing my issues that I neglect the one thing that would most likely allow me to let them go, just simply being with the feelings in this moment. And the truth is, our minds won't let go of a feeling we won't let ourselves feel.

So if you've done a lot of work, processed etc, maybe you're just not done. When it's a big issue involving an important person in our lives, it can take awhile to get through it all.

So my best advice to myself and others is to love and accept yourself through it no matter where you are in the process and don't try to push the river.