presentsThe Evolving Self
When growth is the only option...

The Evolving Self is an e-newsletter that reflects the belief that growth is a choice that can bring an ever deepening and expanding awareness of who we are and what we are here for. The reader can expect affirmations, quotes, book reviews, insightful commentary and tips that support the growth of the individual.

Affirmation: Everything I need is inside me right now.

Quote: "If you don't have a seat at the table, you're probably on the menu." ― Elizabeth Warren

Newsletter archives:

July 2018 - Positive Fantasy/Fantasy Gone Wild

June 2018 - Engagement vs. Control

May 2018 - Body Chemistry & The Law of Attraction

Certified Aromatherapist

As a Certified Aromatherapist, I am qualified to make custom blends to address various health concerns and skin issues. Many aromatherapy blends also have a quality of emotional support. If you are interested in custom blends to support your physical and/or emotional health and/or coaching along with aromatherapy solutions, please email me at

Skin Tightening Oil

Sweet Almond oil is the base for this simple blend designed to gently firm and smooth your skin. Sweet Almond Oil is soothing, and great for dry skin, it helps keep the skin soft and moisturized. 

Massaging Grapefruit essential oil onto cellulite every morning and night allows the oil to release the toxins in the cells that can get trapped in the fat cells. It can help  a person lose weight and reduce the fat that accumulates. Grapefruit has natural appetite suppression qualities that can help one maintain a healthy diet. In addition, it also has diuretic properties that can prevent water retention.

Cypress is a strong astringent that improves blood circulation, prevents fluid retention, and eliminates toxins in the body.  It helps get rid of all the awful fats and cellulite. 

Lemon essential oil is a strong choice for formulating blends that reduce bacteria and help purify minor infections as well as reduce pain and inflammation. This bright, refreshing essential oil can also help boost the immune system.

Check out this blend on Etsy

What I've Learned from Teaching Assertiveness for 30 Years

While I have come a very long way in my use of Assertiveness over the past thirty years, one of the things I've learned is that being assertive is not a perfect science. There are some situations and people that I still struggle with. Also, my ability to be assertive is tightly linked with my self-esteem. Self-esteem is something that ebbs and flows with constant ups and downs, so there are times when being assertive is a snap. There are other times when I have to consciously and intentionally use all the tools I've learned over the years.

That being said, how I handle certain situations today would have seemed miraculous to me thirty years ago. Here are a few things I've learned:

1. Be ok with not being liked. 

One of the most significant reasons people don't stand up for themselves is fear of abandonment. They are afraid their loved ones will leave them. When you are first learning to be assertive, you have to retrain your loved ones. They don't typically like it at first but the truth is: The kind of people I want to have in my life wouldn't leave as a consequence of me setting a boundary, in fact, they would respect me for it. 

2. "Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." -The Dalai Lama

No matter what, be assertive in a kind way. In fact, if you are being mean and unkind, by definition you are being aggressive, not assertive. If you are so angry, upset, outraged, frustrated or whatever, that you can't control how you express yourself, spend time calming and processing yourself so that you can communicate what you need to in a kind way. That means without yelling, swearing, and name calling. I don't know who said this but it says it all, "Say what you mean, mean what you say, don't say it mean."

3. It's really NEVER about you

When other people do or say things that adversely effect your life and well-being, it's really never about you. It's about them. 100% of people, 100% of the time, act out of their own needs. Again, I don't know who said this, but it is true. And knowing this doesn't stop people from taking things personally and making it all about them. The truth is: It's a buttons game. Because we carry our unresolved and unfinished issues around with us like luggage, we are constantly pushing each others buttons. How do you know if your button has been pushed? Because you have a reaction that it is out of proportion to the situation. To handle this in an assertive way is to own your button; to process a situation to understand what you are experiencing and why and then, when calm, to express yourself, ask for what you need/want if appropriate. Otherwise, to let it go!

Continue reading below...

Fantasy Gone Wild

4. Beeee Yourself

Brene Brown has made an incredible contribution through her research on shame and vulnerability. She says that one of the most significant human needs is to belong. People do all kinds of things to try to fit in. I would venture to say that all of them result in the exact opposite of the intended goal, they push people away. There is nothing better, more satisying and life giving, than learning to love and accept yourself the way you are and to therefore, be yourself. That means you are real, you don't pretend to be someone you're not just to get people to like you.

5. Don't let Empathy outweigh your intuition

While empathy is a skill that can be learned. There are some people who will never master it. On the other hand, there are some people who are so empathic that it is who they are. They are called Empaths. When your empathy is a part of who you are, it can be very challenging to interact with others because your empathy causes you to see and feel the other person sometimes even more strongly than you see and feel yourself. Making decisions to support your own highest good become very challenging as a result. It is vitally important to work on mindfulness and sensory skills to be able to tell the difference between another person's needs and your own. Otherwise you will always put other people first.

6. Inner Communication

That brings me to our internal communication system. We have senses, impulses and intution which are sending signals to us all the time. The information that we receive from these sources is there to help guide us to make decisions and take actions that are for our highest good. We can improve the connection we have with our selves by learning to be more connected with this information. It can even change the way you live.

7. Sometimes silence is the best option.

I help people improve their self-esteem and become more assertive, please contact me for Health & Wellness/Life Coaching. 

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Jaqui Duvall works as a coach, mentor, trainer, facilitator and public speaker developing and delivering workshops, leading mentoring groups and working with individuals to help them identify and express their inner spirit and live a life of consciousness and intention. •  San Jose