presentsThe Evolving Self
When growth is the only option...

The Evolving Self is an e-newsletter that reflects the belief that growth is a choice that can bring an ever deepening and expanding awareness of who we are and what we are here for. The reader can expect affirmations, quotes, book reviews, insightful commentary and tips that support the growth of the individual.

Affirmation: I love and embrace all of me.

Quote: "Won't forget, can't regret, what I did for love, what I did for love." -A Chorus Line

Newsletter archives:

December 2019 - Prisoner in the Dark Cave

November 2019 - Loving Kindness

October 2019 - Stress in Relationships


Certified Aromatherapist

I am a Clinical Aromatherapist, which means I am qualified to work in a healhcare setting as an Aromatherapist and of course, to make custom blends to address various health concerns and skin issues. Many aromatherapy blends also have a quality of emotional support.

If you are interested in custom blends to support your physical and/or emotional health and/or coaching along with aromatherapy solutions, please email me at

Contact me to get your own custom blend!

What I Did For Love

Fifteen years ago in early January, I was spending my days and nights looking for my dog, Hathaway who had gotten out on New Year's Eve. When I got the call that she was missing, I was on a trip I really didn't want to go on with a person I didn't really want to be with. I had left my dogs in the care of people I didn't really trust and as a result, one of them left Hathaway outside, the other left the gate open and she took the opportunity to explore the world. Tragically, she was hit by a car and killed.

As I picked up Hathaway's broken body, covered by a blanket, I moaned and cried like I have never cried before or since, saying, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." While many people entreated me, "Don't do that to yourself." I knew in my heart that I was responsible for her death and it was my poor love choices that had caused it to happen.

I believe that most people can relate at some level (some deeper than others) to the desire to love and be loved. Finding healthy love in my life was something that eluded me, not for lack of me trying. I always referred to my "broken picker" as the reason behind that, but the hard truth is, I accepted less, way less than I wanted or needed simply because I didn't believe I could get what I wanted. So I compromised and deferred and distorted love to fit what appeared to be available. For that, I paid a very high price, certainly in the loss of Hathaway but also in the currency of my self-esteem.

Much of the act of accepting less than we want and need in our relationships relates back to our core beliefs about ourselves. Yes, of course they were developed in childhood and I've spoken at length about that before, but for now, let me say that your core beliefs will only allow you to accept what you believe you deserve in your relationships. If you stretch too far away from those core beliefs, you will sabotage and/or behave in ways that lead to the demise of the relationship. When you are with someone you believe you deserve, even if its not what you want, you will typically just take it because you don't believe you deserve any better.

Continue reading below...

You Have to Love Yourself First

It is hard to admit much less accept that we have these kinds of beliefs, which some people are unware they even have. In fact, some people state that they feel the opposite but it's pretty obvious when a person is over-compensating with an inflated ego to cover up the their low self-esteem.

When I was faced with the loss of my beloved Hathaway, I desparately wanted to honor her in a grand gesture and completely change my pattern, but unfortunately it didn't happen so easily for me. For many years to come, I continued to sacrifice my self-image and esteem just to be with someone, sacrificing everything I ever wanted. It seems like I had to fall very low before I finally got it: You have to love yourself first.

If you're like me, you have heard others say, "You have to love yourself first," when sharing your latest heartache. I knew it was true. I always knew it was true, but I didn't, for the life of me, know how to do it.

Today, I can say that it is when I learned how to love myself that I finally found the courage to stand for myself. To accept no less than love in my life. Settling is no longer an option and I'm completely ok being alone for the rest of my life if I don't have exactly that.

Changing our core beliefs requires exploration so that we know what they are. It also requires that we grieve; not getting what we needed, getting what we didn't need. It also requires redefining ourselves as people who are worthy and deserving of love and it requires that we give to ourselves, as an act of reparenting, the love we needed and didn't get as children.

If you want support in exploring your core beliefs and re-parenting and loving yourself, click here to contact me.

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Jaqui Duvall works as a coach, mentor, trainer, facilitator and public speaker developing and delivering workshops, leading mentoring groups and working with individuals to help them identify and express their inner spirit and live a life of consciousness and intention. •  San Jose