Free Lecture: Women's Health Care Forum: Connecting Mind and Body, Friday, June 10, 4:00-5:30 PM, Santa Teresa Library

Assertiveness & Self-Esteem Learn to express yourself and set healthy boundaries. Six Tuesdays, June 14 - July 19, 6:30-9:00 PM. Kaiser 408-972-3340.

Using Affirmations to Raise Self-Esteem, Monday, June 27, 6:30-9:00PM. Kaiser San Jose. $25 Kaiser members, $35 non-members. 408-972-3340

Powerful Affirmations and Prayers - Audio Program
Positive Affirmations & Prayers to Lift Your Spirits Audio Program.

Also available as an MP3 Download from Amazon

Affirmation:I love and accept myself exactly the way I am.

Quote: "The end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." T.S. Eliot

Over the past 25 years I have read self-help books, attended workshops, attended seminars, lectures, and talks, attended support groups and 12-step programs, worked with therapists in a variety of therapies. I have gotten Reiki, somatotherapy, hypnotherapy, and energy work. Whatever the latest and greatest cure-all, I was there. And through all these events and experiences, I had but one objective: to fix myself.

To believe that you need to fix yourself, you must start by believing that you are broken. Whether or not that was actually true, I can tell you that I felt different than other people. I didn't feel I fit in to the norm, I looked around and saw what I thought were happy, thriving people and so wanted to be that, but didn't know how to overcome the overwhelming sense of separation I felt between myself and others.

When you have negative beliefs about yourself (see my article The Shame Blame Game), whether it is that you don't measure up, that you are flawed or just plain different, it is common to seek a solution. Thus, the self-improvement addict is born.

Since much of the work I do involves challenging negative beliefs, I have been diligent in uncovering, facing and reframing the negative beliefs I have about myself. This is work I believe in and will continue to do, however, I wonder if the endless pursuit of the perfect fix itself is based on an incorrect assumption?

What if I were to stop resisting what is, stop trying to fix myself and just accepted myself as I am? Accept my flaws and frailties. Accept my imperfection and ignorance. Accept my co-dependent nature. Accept my fears and insecurities. Accept my sadness. And most of all accept my attempts to be different than I am.

The irony of it is, when I'm able to accept myself in any given moment, I find that that's when I actually change.

For my fellow self-improvement addicts, Alan Cohen has written a really good book on this subject: I Had it All the Time

As a Spiritual Counselor and Life Coach, I work with individuals one-on-one to help them develop healthy thinking habits, self-love, and much more. For more information, see my website www.theevolvingself.com. Or contact me to set up a complimentary 30 minute session to explore what Spiritual Counseling and Coaching can do for you.

Newsletter Archives:
May 2011 - Fear of Success/The Shame Blame Game
April 2011 - Don't Believe Everything You Think/SAD
March 2011 - Reaching Out for Help/Judgment

One of the biggest sources of pain and sorrow I have experienced in relationships and observed in the relationships of others is blame. I know this seems like a theme here lately, but it is so profound I have to say it again. Whether it is being on the receiving end or the giving end, blame is bound up in misery.

What I have learned is that when I feel inclined to blame, it is because there is a very uncomfortable feeling that has been triggered inside of me. And believe me, when you have a lot of 'stuff' inside that you haven't acknowledged or dealt with, there are a lot of uncomfortable feelings that get triggered.

Directing blame, anger and judgment at others helps me feel powerful and in control even if just temporarily. It's a way more comfortable feeling than fear and powerlessness which are more accurately the feelings I feel in those triggered moments.

I have been making a daily (sometimes hourly) pledge to myself to remain calm and neutral to the external forces of people, traffic and weather (especially lately). When I do that, I'm able to discover that my reaction doesn't have anything to do with what's going on around me, and everything to do with what's going on within me.

I can then be fully present with what's going on within me and guess what, when I do that it passes through me and I am able to make a conscious choice about how to deal with what's going on around me.

I work individually with people who are seeking relief from their negative behavioral patterns. Please contact me to set up a complimentary 30 minute session to see if Spiritual Counseling and Coaching is right for you or go to my website: www.TheEvolvingSelf.com