presentsThe Evolving Self
When growth is the only option...

The Evolving Self is an e-newsletter that reflects the belief that growth is a choice that can bring an ever deepening and expanding awareness of who we are and what we are here for. The reader can expect affirmations, quotes, book reviews, insightful commentary and tips that support the growth of the individual.

Affirmation: I choose to trust that the universe acts in my highest good.

Quote: “If you’re not careful you can spend your whole life looking for what you’ve lost.”― Moïra Fowley-Doyle, Spellbook of the Lost and Found

Newsletter archives:

February 2019 - Tortured From Within/Managing the Brain

January 2019 - Repetition Compulsion/Making Conscious Choices

December 2018 - Currency of Needs/ A Healthy Relationship with Needs

Certified Aromatherapist

As a Certified Aromatherapist, I am qualified to make custom blends to address various health concerns and skin issues. Many aromatherapy blends also have a quality of emotional support.

If you are interested in custom blends to support your physical and/or emotional health and/or coaching along with aromatherapy solutions, please email me at

Contact me to get your own custom blend!

Losing Things

A police officer comes upon a drunken man intently searching the ground under a streetlamp. He joins the search after learning the man is looking for his keys. After several minutes of searching and finding nothing, the police officer asks, "Are you sure you lost them here?" The drunk replies, no, I lost them across the street, but the light is better here." (Source unknown)

I too, have spent many an hour searching my house, purse, car, etc. for my missing pair of glasses. When I ask my daughter if she has seen them, she'll point to me in a funny way, at which point I realize the lost glasses are actually hanging from my shirt. Unfortunately, I need glasses to find my glasses.

When we are young, it is common to forget things. Many people pin notes to the their child's clothing, so that the teacher will actually get the note. When my daughter was small, I spent many an hour searching for her lost jacket, lost toy, lost retainer. Perhaps there is a golden zone for memory when we mature and set up a plan for how to manage our stuff so that we remember where we put things. But then, there seems to be a decline again when we lose track of our plan to remember.

It is also a common experience to go from the bedroom to the kitchen for a specific reason, however upon arriving in the kitchen, forgetting what that reason is. Sometimes if I just stand there, my brain will re-sync with my body. Othertimes, I have to return to the bedroom to re-remember why I needed to go to the kitchen. I don't need to exercise anymore, I spend my days going back and forth inside my house.

Perhaps memory issues are a factor of aging but I also realize there are so many things overwhich we have no control and the best thing I can do is to simply surrender to that fact. Surrender is not the same as giving up. It is actually a conscious choice to let go of the crazy-making that goes along with trying to make things happen the way I want them.

It is all fine and good to surrender when I'm letting go of glasses or a bluetooth, but what about when the lost item has great value? I recently misplaced (intentionally not saying "lost.") a  wooden bead bracelet. While it has very little monetary value, it has significant personal value to me as it was given to me by my late and very dear friend, Dan.

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On the other side of frantically looking for a lost item there is a field of quiet, calm and peace where a voice is saying, "It's going to be ok." It's also saying, "They are only things." Losing the bracelet doesn't mean I have lost my friend all over again, it may simply mean I need to find a different way to remember him.

Another possibility in losing things is that maybe the universe is simply making room for something else. I call this re-ordering, when the universe is actually responding positively to my request or prayer or vision, but has to remove some things or some people to bring about the new state. It often feels like loss when it is happening.

My best example of this is when I let go of my house. I loved the house and had lived there for over 12 years. It was painful and sad to feel I had no choice but to sell it, however, keeping it would have significantly conflicted with my desire to live within my means. In fact, I believe the universe was bringing my financial house back into balance, an effort that took many years to accomplish.

Because we can't predict the future or know why something has happened when it is happening, we can't always realize that re-ordering is taking place. Sometimes it is a test of faith. Trusting that it will become clear at the right moment and choosing to stay in the moment rather than choosing to take it all personally is not always easy, but usually results in more peace.

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Jaqui Duvall works as a coach, mentor, trainer, facilitator and public speaker developing and delivering workshops, leading mentoring groups and working with individuals to help them identify and express their inner spirit and live a life of consciousness and intention. •  San Jose