The Conflict Resolution class has been cancelled, however stay tuned for offerings of the Essential Communication Skills class for material that addresses the same issues.
Relationship Skills Kaiser Santa Teresa, Wednesdays, November 5 - December 17 (no class Nov 26), 6:00 PM - 8:00 PM, Kaiser Members: $80, Non-members: $140. Call 408-972-3340 for more information.

Anger Management, Kaiser Santa Teresa, Thursdays, November 6 - December 18 (no class Nov 27), 6:00 - 8:00 PM

Affirmation: My serenity and inner peace is a direct result of my relationship with source and is not contingent upon any person or situation. Sonia Miller

Quote: "If we are willing to approach reconciliation with an intention to stay open and see what is possible, there are few limits to what might happen." Laura Davis

One of my biggest flaws is that I think I've got people figured out. I've studied a lot of books on psychology. I'm a pretty sensitive person, I've worked hard to learn how to communicate, but I also went to the school of hard knocks. When people repeatedly behave badly, i.e. when they consistently criticize, manipulate, selfishly consider only their own needs and desires and bulldoze their way through life, are they bad people? Maya Angelou so eloquently said, "When people show you who they are, believe them."

On the other hand, the Law of Attraction teaches us that we create what we expect to experience. It's called a self-fulfilling prophecy. So if I anticipate that every time I communicate, ask for what I need and want or set a boundary, I'm going to experience a dramatic over-reaction, then the possibility goes way up that that is exactly what I'll get. I'm not suggesting that we can control what another person does, however we can influence the outcome of our interactions with other people by the intentions, attitudes and behaviors we bring to the table.

I had an experience recently that reminded me that when I choose to look for the good in people I usually find it. If I am at odds with another person and I am also the one person of the two of us who has the tools, the courage and the strength to offer a bridge from one heart to the other, then I am the one who needs to offer it. I need to be willing to be wrong about the other person's motives and remember that the behavior we see from people on the outside is often a defense mechanism and is usually covering up hurt and pain. When I'm wiling to be wrong, I remain open to new information, I'm teachable and I'm able to see possibilities for connection and healing.

Final tip of "Tips for Making Changes".

Tip #7: Keep at it, don't give up: If you forget to brush your teeth one day, you don't give up forever, you just start again the next day. Slips and slides are common when making a change. Don't demand perfection from yourself, see it as a learning curve.

Newsletter Archives:
August 2008 - We Are of Two Minds/Book Review: My Stroke of Insight by Jill Bolte Taylor
September 2008 - I Don't Know What to Say/Book Review: Crucial Conversations by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler
October 2008 - When I Express Myself I Command Respect/Book Review: Dare to Be Yourself by Alan Cohen

"In order to achieve reconciliation, we need to have a self to reconcile with. We need to know who we are, what we value, and what we believe in. We need to know where we stop and where the other person begins, to be able to say," This is me. These are the ways I am the same as you, and these are the ways I am different." It is not until we are whole enough to approach the other person, not because we need to but because we choose to, that real reconciliation can begin"

Laura Davis speaks from experience. Not only has she achieved reconciliation in her own life, but she has gathered some amazing stories. I believe that one of the hardest things anyone can attempt in life is to let go of the beliefs we have about ourselves, other people and how life is supposed to work. I heard someone say, "I never let go of anything that didn't have claw marks in it." When we do let go, we can begin to see ourselves and others as we are and not as we would have them be.

Check it out!