Powerful Affirmations and Prayers - Audio Program
Positive Affirmations & Prayers to Lift Your Spirits Audio Program.

Also available as an MP3 Download from Amazon

Affirmation: I love and approve of myself.

Quote: "The inherent value of the stone remains the same whether or not someone knows what it is." The Narcissistic Family by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert Pressman

In the movie Funny Girl, Fanny Brice, played by Barbra Streisand tells us that "people who need people are the luckiest people in the world." But if you are a person who doesn't or can't seem to get your needs met through other people, you don't feel so lucky.

Needs, nothing more than needs. Everyone has them. We have physical needs for food, water, and air. Remember Maslow's hierarchy of needs? These are considered the basics. Moving up the scale, we need to wear clothing and have shelter for warmth and safety. Moving into emotional needs, we have many, the need for love, acceptance and approval, a feeling of belonging.

In my recent reading on dysfunctional and particularly narcissistic families, the hallmark definition of a narcissistic family is one in which the needs of the children are secondary to the needs of the parents. When children grow up in such an environment, their concept of needs, needing and getting those needs met is really distorted. Often they don't feel worthy of having needs in the first place much less deserving to have them met. Their relationships are challenging and no where does this show up more than in the attempt to get their needs met.

Have you ever been confronted with a situation in which you had to make a choice between filling your needs and someone else's? You need to rest when your friend wants to play. You need to be alone when your spouse wants to be together. You need to work on a project when your family wants to eat. If there is a conflict of needs, and if you live with and interact closely with others this will happen eventually, whose needs are the priority?

Adult children of narcissistic families will always sacrifice their needs for those of others, they will attempt to take care of and rescue every wounded bird and take in every stray. For the child of a narcissistic family, the priority will always be, the needs of others.

When that is consistently the case over a period of time, resentment is bound to develop and all kinds of latent and unresolved issues from the past are triggered. Without the tools to ask for what we need and the skills of negotiating, conflict and struggle ensue.

Balancing our needs with the needs of those around us is, of course the answer, learning the currency of needs, give and take. Not only does this require learning assertive communication skills, but also developing healthy self-love and esteem.

I work with individuals one-on-one to help them develop healthy self-esteem, to heal past wounds and to honor their needs as well as work in a healthy way to get them met. For more information, see my website www.theevolvingself.com. Or contact me to set up a complimentary 30 minute session to explore what Spiritual Counseling and Coaching can do for you.

Newsletter Archives:
October 2011 - What Are You Thinking About?/Stay Hungry, Say Foolish
September 2011 -What is Normal?/The Legacy of Distorted Love
August 2011 - The Ego and Relationships/Not Just for Ladies Only

In addition to the above, the dysfunctional family legacy also teaches us that we can only get our needs for love, esteem and approval met through others.

Not only is this a prescription for lifelong esteem issues, but it is also the hallmark definition of co-dependency. If I am dependent on someone else for esteem and approval, then I'm going to have to work very hard to get it, and to keep it. And from whom do I get it? Everyone has different views on what is worthwhile in accomplishments and behavior. Between work, family, friends and significant others, whose approval to I go for?

Continuing on from the theme of the first article, I want to make a plug for giving to ourselves. I'm not saying that we can be or should be completely self-reliant, but there are a lot of things that we can learn to give to ourselves, love and approval being very high on that list.

First, we have to uncover our current core beliefs and then work to transform them through positive affirmations and self-talk. We also need to learn to seek our own approval by having a sense of our own value and the values we choose to live by.

I work individually with people who are choosing to learn to have a healthy relationship with themselves and others. Please contact me to set up a complimentary 30 minute session to see if Spiritual Counseling and Coaching is right for you or go to my website: www.TheEvolvingSelf.com