Essential Communication Skills Kaiser Santa Teresa, Wednesdays September 17 - October 22, 6:00 PM - 8:00 PM, Kaiser Members: $80, Non-members: $140. Call 408-972-3340 for more information. Come join me for boundary work and to enhance your listening, curious question and expressing skills.

Affirmation: I love and approve of myself.

Quote: "Respect is like air. If you take it away, it's all people can think about." From Crucial Conversations (see this month's book review).

I can't tell you how many times I have heard people say this in my classes when describing a situation they need to address. When I ask them, "Well, what do you want to say?" They come out with a perfect statement describing the situation, their feelings and what they want from the other person.

It isn't so much that we don't know what to say, but that many of us have been conditioned to believe that we are responsible for other people's feelings. We've been on the receiving end of explosive and emotional reactions to setting simple and reasonable boundaries. We've received disapproval and distain for simply trying to take care of ourselves. When this happens over a long period of time, we lose connection with ourselves, we forget who we are, what we want and what's important to us.

Learning skills such as assertiveness and other communication skills builds confidence and conviction that we have the right to speak our truth, to be ourselves and have what we need in life. Changing the habits of the past takes time and repeated practice, but it is well worth the effort.

The Essential Communication Skills class was developed out of the desire to take assertive communication to another level. Acknowledging that there are many skills needed to succeed in the world, assertiveness being one of them, we also need to learn to listen without an agenda, ask questions that draw out important information and help to resolve assumptions and lack of clarity, and to express ourselves in a way that minimizes defensiveness. This is what the Essential Communication Skills class is all about. I hope you will join me September 17 - October 22, 2008.

Continuing "Tips for Making Changes".
Tip #5: Create a Routine: We are creatures of habit, that is what conditioning is all about. So look at your schedule and choose a time that works for you to regularly do your new activity. Look at it as part of your daily routine like brushing your teeth. If changes occur in your schedule, look again at your schedule as a whole and choose a new time.

Newsletter Archives:
June 2008 - Feeling Good About Me When I Walk Away/Book Review: Taking the War Out of Words by Sharon Ellison
July 2008 - Self-Sabotage and Procrastination/Book Review: Why Good People Do Bad Things by Debbie Ford
August 2008 - We Are of Two Minds/Book Review: My Stroke of Insight by Jill Bolte Taylor

If I were going to design a new assertiveness training class today, I would use this book, the authors have truly done their homework. They went into organizations to learn why some people were more effective than others and began to uncover some really interesting information. Bottom line: those people who were most effective were skilled at getting all the relevant information (from themselves and others) out into the open.

This led to the development of some really useful and crucial skills in dealing with other people not only at work, but in all walks of life. Skills such as: dialoguing, staying focused on what you really want, ensuring all parties feel emotionally safe, staying in dialogue when emotions rise, speaking persuasively, but not abrasively and much more.

"Unfortunately, it's human nature to back away from discussions we fear will hurt us or make things worse. We're masters at avoiding these tough conversations." When we know and practice skills that enable us to engage effectively, everything in our lives gets better. This book provides some really useful and usable skills. Take a look and let me know what you think!