I Am Not My Schedule!


"I need do nothing."

-A Course In Miracles

"Hi, I'm Scott and I'm a recovering workaholic. For the past three months I've had quite a quiet calendar. It's not easy, having time and space on my hands. It shines a light on all those places where I don't love myself yet, just for being me. It spotlights my tendency to derive my self-esteem from meaningful work and a constantly busy schedule.

Newly transplanted to Marin from a more contained city landscape, I'm hiking the trails, hugging the mountains, taking in great gobs of oxygen with every breath. There's more trees and green things around me than anywhere I've ever lived before. In my daily life I've never felt so surrounded and embraced by nature.

Yesterday a deer strutted across my street. She stopped to gaze at me with the look of a creature who has never paid rent and never known shame. She had a saucy attitude and marinated me in eye contact longer than I was comfortable. "I don't own the street," she seemed to proclaim, "but neither do you." I agreed, put my hands together, and bowed to her in solidarity and respect.

Who owns the street? The land? Me and you? Ownership was an utterly alien concept to the Native Americans when they ‘sold' the island of Manhattan to some shrewd Europeans for $24.00 worth of beads.

Do I have ownership of my self, or do I rent? Does someone or something else own me? And if so, when was that sale made?

These questions are up close and personal right now while I seem to have been granted a bit of a reprieve. I'm off duty, at rest, hibernating with the bears, so to speak. What a gift of renewal, this time. I can relax and do nothing, enjoying the simplicity of being alive without an inner voice telling me that that it's not enough, I'm not enough.

Yet at times I still feel owned and possessed by a permanently pressed foot on the accelerator, locked in a vehicle with no brakes, no neutral, no park and smell the roses. Can I turn off the juice at will and really relax?

So it seems I am a student back in driving school again, taking lessons at the Slow Down And Follow Your Bliss Driving Academy. The instructor keeps telling me to turn off the engine and recline my seat for a while. Roll down a window, or better yet, get out of the car and stretch.

I'm learning a lot lately about what's been driving me and the madness of always moving.

And life is supporting me in this. Business has slowed so I can slow down as well. I've got plenty of savings in the bank, though my nervous inner accountant likes to anal-eyes my finances and pretend I'm going to run out and be homeless if I don't keep the money machine going at all times. He advises me to stay within my financial comfort zone and not be too generous, especially with myself.

His mantra of many years (repeated ad-nauseam):

YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT!

Ridiculous, I say! I say it's in my best interest to lighten up my uptight little accountant and introduce him to the abundance, majesty, benevolence, and grace that is running this here universe! No more giving my energy to scarcity and lack. I'm stretching to spend significantly more money on myself than my comfort zone is comfortable with. And lately that's translated into many new and fun things, amongst them, horseback riding lessons.

Down the block from me is a stable. I went to pet a horse the other day (Cupcake) and she recoiled, trotting away as far as she could. Despite my semi-occasional success in not taking things personally, this time I went straight to rejection hell. "What's wrong with me? I'm too needy for even a horse?"

The next day I visited Cupcake again, determined to get back in the saddle, so to speak. Instead of trying to pet her, I asked her to listen to my story and I poured my heart out about the changes and challenges I'm going through. She gave me eye contact for close to five minutes- still, close, and present in a way that most of us in this ADD rampant culture find nearly impossible to sustain. I felt supported and walked away feeling significantly better. We had some quality moments.

That's when I realized that riding a horse gently down a trail with no pressing destination would be good for my soul right now.

Born and raised in New York City where most of Nature's creatures were behind bars or in cans, I sometimes felt like one of the packed human sardines, bumping up against other people but feeling totally separate from them. Everybody seemed to have a clearly private, personal agenda, frantic to get somewhere, adrenaline rush hour most of the day and night.

And now there are deer crossing my street and a family of wild turkeys sometimes in full view right outside the window of my girlfriend's bedroom.

Marin is protected, natural, green, and wild. 85% open space.

Like my life, currently. My to-do list these days has been short and sweet, making room for a growing to-be list. Free time and free will, God's greatest gift, to do and be what I want.

I want an open heart. I want to be a creature that can sustain eye contact with a deer, a horse, a person, and not shy away in fear or busyness. I want my movement to come from the center of stillness, my words from the heart of silence. I want what I do to flow from a deep wellspring of pure beingness. I want to be at peace with what is, and be present enough to enjoy it.

It's what most animals on this planet experience as their ordinary state. And it's a state that many people would call enlightenment, or self-realization. It's funny how we humans romanticize and make special what's meant to be normal and natural.

Seasons change, and spring will bring hibernating bears and troubadours out of their caves.

My schedule is about to get insane again in a few weeks.

I'm beginning to realize that I don't have to…


Scott Kalechstein, the author of this article, is a modern day troubadour and inspirational speaker. He makes his home in Marin County, CA and travels through the United States, Canada and Europe giving concerts, talks and workshops, as well as presenting at conferences.Visit http://www.scottsongs.com to read more about his work or to sample songs from his nine CD's. Send him an email at scott@scottsongs.com to receive articles like this one on a bi-monthly basis.

SCOTT'S APRIL-MAY-JUNE SCHEDULE

SAN FRANCISCO, CA

April 2- I'll be sharing a humorous program with Swami Beyondananda in a night of cosmic comedy, improvisational music, and metaphysical mischief at it's finest. Included will be songs that the Swami and I will be making up together in the moment based on audience suggestions. Call the Unity Christ Church at 415 566 4122 for more info

SANTA ROSA, CA

April 3- I'll be strumming and singing at The Center For Spiritual Living in Santa Rosa, formerly known as the Santa Rosa Church of Religious Science. Call 707 528 0605 for info.

SAN DIEGO

April 9th- I'll be entertaining and creating spontaneous songs at a beautiful couple's wedding celebration.

SAN JOSE

April 17- I'll be the guest speaker and singer at The Center for Creative Living. Call 408 980 1135 for the scoop.
.

SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH

April 22, 23, 24- I'll be speaking and singing and leading workshops at an International Celebration and Tribute Conference on A Course In Miracles. Call Rev. Sue Borg at 801-261-2227 or email sueborg@xmission.com

WALNUT CREEK, CA

May 13- I'll be doing a musical celebration of relationships entitled Where Spirit and Relationships Meet at the Unity Church in Walnut Creek. Call 925 937 2191 for details.

CORTE MADERA, CA

May 15- I'll be the guest singer at the Golden Gate Center For Spiritual Living. Call (415) 924-1494 for info...

May 20- I'll be the opening act for a Charlie Nimovitz concert
at the Marin Lutheran Church in Corte Madera. Call 415 485 5987 for details.

ROWE, MASSACHUSETTS

May 27-30- Every Memorial Day weekend I and Barry and Joyce Vissell lead a retreat for couples at the Rowe Camp and Conference Center. Call 413-339 4954 for details.

LONG ISLAND, NY

June 1- Rev. Janine Burns, longtime friend and associate, is opening up her home for a concert with yours truly. Call 516-909-0103 for the scoop.

BROOKLYN, NY

June 3- On this Friday evening I will be leading a workshop, Life From The Inside Out. Call 718 238 0474 to find out.

DOYLESTOWN-PHILADELPHIA AREA, PENNSYLVANIA

JUNE 4- I will be leading a workshop entitled, Where Spirit & Relationships Meet. Call Maria at 215 489 8898 for the details.

June 5- I will be speaking and singing at A Circle Of Miracles in Wycomb, PA. Call Hanelore at 215) 598-8002 for the info.

June 5- This Sunday evening I will be leading an event in Philadelphia called, A Course in Miracles, The Musical! Call Jill at 215 742 0552 for the scoop.

The rest of the summer is mostly open and available. Email or call me at 415 721 2954 if you would like to discuss how easy it is to bring me to your neck of the woods and set me loose on your community, church, friends, etc.

For those of you who have been enjoying my latest CD, Something New, here is some information about each song that I think will enhance your listening experience:

1. Something New

I wrote Something New when I was embarking on a new, wonderful and scary relationship journey. I didn't want to repeat old patterns, and I was scared of doing so. I wrote this song to empower and encourage myself and others to not shy away from discomfort and fear as we are step out on a road less traveled. I have found in my life that the bigger the dream, the more fears come up to be embraced and released on the road to manifesting our heart's desires. The ego self can feel very threatened by thoughts and actions that reflect a trust in the universe and a belief in the bigness who we really are. This song brings us right to the edge of our self-imposed limits and beckons us to leap into the unknown with courage - feeling the fear and doing it anyway!

2. The Call

I wrote The Call to encourage all of us to step out of our own way and let something bigger direct us to our most joyous expression. The song uses my life as an inspirational mirror, chronicalling my journey from childhood to the present in five minutes or so. It's about how I've learned to let the personality serve the needs of the soul and answer The Call.

3. Freedom Child

Freedom Child is an antidote to perfectionism and any and all rigidity. It calls to us from the part of God (and therefore deep within ourselves) that is pure playfulness. This song deeply questions the need to tread through life somberly. The Divine Child that we all are wrote this song to awaken the adult out of the slumber of seriousness. Freedom Child began to write itself when my girlfriend asked me to help her lighten up and take herself less seriously. I wrote it for her, but then quickly recognized the universal appeal and opened it up, changing some of the lyrics that only she would relate to. It remains a precious reminder for both of us to choose lightheartedness in any and all situations.

4. A Little Levity

This song is about the medicinal quality of humor, levity and play. It is another antidote for the disease of taking life too seriously. Play it as a homeopathic remedy and a reminder to lighten up and let in the light!

5. Mr. Right ( A Poem)

Read by my sweetheart, Venus, I wrote this poem to poke fun and bring to consciousness the fantasy that a knight in shining armor is coming to the rescue to end your loneliness, take away your pain, and love you more than you have learned to love yourself. Venus loved reading it, since she has been recovering from this fairy tale over the last few years.

6. Mr. Right (A Song)

The song has the same intent as the poem, but is a whole lot funnier. This culture teaches us to look towards romantic relationships for our wholeness and happiness. This song shows us quite humorously where that search leads. That's Venus singing the backround vocals and the voice-overs.

7. Never Again

I wrote Never Again while feeling tremendous rage. I was realizing that I had a right to say no to verbal abuse and create appropriate boundaries in a certain relationship. I was screaming, pounding pillows, and laughing hysterically while this song was coming through me. I never had more fun with my anger!

8. Next Time

Oh, boy. When I wrote this song I had no intention of sharing it with anyone but my therapist. It's a lighthearted but very honest inventory of my relationship history, highlighting the disfunctional parts. It's also a powerful commitment statement about changing the programming and patterns that creat disharmony and dysfunction in relationships. In the end I decided to share it because we are all in this together, and everyone can benefit from hearing each other's stories.

9. I Want To Make Love Last

I wrote this to express the longing to experience a lasting love that didn't fade away after the honeymoon period was over. It also expressed the delicious and difficult challenge of being sexually attracted but choosing to hold off on expressing it so a friendship can blossom first. I consider this song to be the most beautiful and vulnerable that has ever come through me.

10. Traveling Companions

An explosion of celebration, this song is my YIPPEE! to the universe for sending me Venus, such an amazing and perfect partner for me to grow with and journey with.

11. The Space In Between

Sometimes I called this song The Long Distance Relationship Blues, as it vents the pain of living five hundred miles away from my beloved. (Now I only live a mile away!) Many people have reported that this song speaks to them of the space in between themselves and God, or themselves and their soul, and the longing to be closer. There are many levels and meanings to each line. I wore dark sunglasses when I sang this one. It is touching, funny and sexy as hell! I love it!

12. On The Same Page

Another celebration of love bursting from my heart. After many attempts to fit a sqare peg in a round relationship hole, my experience with Venus was and is of a perfect fit. No red flags, no painful compromises, just a delicious perfection to be explored and celebrated. Of course, that perfection includes triggering each other to evolve and stretch in ways we probably wouldn't have chosen on our own. But we both are ready and ripe for such growth, and we embrace it equally with an identical soul hunger and commitment. This song encourages us all not to compromise or settle for anything less than what feels totally right when it comes to choosing a life partner.



To order CD's: Visit http://www.scottsongs.com and click on CD's, or
call CD Baby at 1-800-BUY-MY-CD or visit http://www.cdbaby.com/scottsongs and order over a secure server with your credit card.