Change Is A Fact; Loss Is An Opinion

By Scott Kalechstein

"An old man and his son worked on a small farm, with only one horse to pull the plow. One day, the horse ran away. "How terrible," sympathized the neighbors. "What bad luck.""Who knows whether it is good luck or bad luck," the farmer replied. A week later, the horse returned from the mountains, leading five wild mares into the barn. "What wonderful luck!" said the neighbors. "Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?" answered the old man. The next day, the son, trying to tame one of the horses, fell and broke his leg."How terrible. What bad luck!" "Bad luck? Good Luck?"
The army came to all the farms to take the young men for war. The farmer's son was of no use to them, so he was spared."Good? Bad?"

-A Zen Fable

In October 1995, I sat in council with a very gifted seer who offered both near and farsighted visions for my journey. In one masterful sentence she illumined my vision problems as a lifelong 'sufferer' of mental myopia: "You see your life as a series of losses; as I look at it, however, I see a series of lessons, completed and well learned."

I sat there, both stunned and set free at the same time. If I had been habitually seeing my life half empty, I could begin to see it full, acknowledging the blessing within each challenge, the goodness and God-ness wrapped within each of life's experiences.

After that session I began to consciously work on taming my ego's quick tongue, my tendency to make snap judgments about life. Relieving myself of the burden of dividing experiences into categories of good and bad, I began to understand what A Course In Miracles meant when it said, "It takes great learning to understand that all things, events, encounters, and circumstances are helpful." I started to see that "loss" was simply a distorted lens placed in front of my eyes, a way of seeing that filtered out my awareness of the Divine Hands orchestrating everything. I began to trust life more, and judge it less.

There is a part of Thailand where families live by a river in houses constructed to serve also as rafts. During monsoon season, the rains sweep the houses into the river. The families live closely on their now-houseboats for six months, rolling down the river in harmony with the forces of nature. When the rains end they set up shop where they land.

In our culture we are hypnotized to believe that it is possible to create a life free of change. Instead of rolling down the river of life, we tend to build our houses, relationships, and sense of security on an illusion of solid ground, entrenched in the dream that change will not come. Then shift happens, and we interpret it as "loss". Meanwhile, it is only change, a force of nature that cannot be avoided as long as one has a pulse.

I have a proposition to make, one that I hope will engage you in contemplation and stretch your mind a bit: there is no such thing as loss. I propose that loss, like a shadow, is a no-thing. When change happens in life, you may perceive it through a glass darkly, but that glass is only your distorted diagnosis. Loss is just an opinion, and one you can change.

Imagine this for a moment: What would it be like to entertain the belief that an exhale is a huge loss, that another inhale like the one you just had may never come again? What if, after a fresh intake of air, you fought against the impending exhale, not trusting that life will cycle you into a new inhale just when you need it next? You just might tense up as you breathe, trying to hold your inhalation for as long as you can. Perhaps you might experience major control dramas in your life as the exhale explodes through your resistance and follows its natural course. Then you might grab the next breath, sucking it down as if it was something you desperately craved, not taking the time to enjoy it in gracious receptivity. Oh, what a drama it would be!

My most convincing performances, acting out this drama of loss, have been in romantic relationships. Oh, how I've suffered in them, and especially in their exhales! Even if it had been a painful relationship with little or no joy, I was convinced that I would never again find another inhale so "wonderful." I've hyperventilated my relationships, going from woman to woman in quick succession; desperate to avoid loneliness and the unresolved pain of abandonment that I was secretly hoping relationships would save me from. I've played out the theme of most "love songs" on the radio -"Never gonna let you go," etc. I've groveled, cajoled, begged and manipulated to get the girl and keep her in my life. With much grief, time, and therapy, I would finally let her go. Then the next one would come along and I'd be breathing heavy again!

In 1995 I had had enough and consciously took a breather from romantic relationships. Instead, I focused on trusting life and finding security within myself. I cried a great deal during that time, but the tears were not of self-pity: they were the tears of a great cleansing, purging years of suppressed abandonment pain that had been lodged in my cellular memory. Every good cry made more space inside for a new sense of self to grow. On the outside, I bought flowers for myself every week. I learned about setting boundaries, staying balanced, loving self-talk, and other new behaviors and patterns that expressed self-love. Gradually I learned how to take good, loving care of me. I discovered that the only lasting way to heal abandonment issues is to stop abandoning yourself. Being alone, previously experienced as loss, punishment, a hardship to be endured, in that process became something of a gift, a blessing, a pathway back home to my soul.

Eventually, in God's Perfect Timing (and not my ego's!), a woman showed up who now is my life partner and our connection is not an alliance based on avoiding the fear of loss. It is a partnership based on expressing the gift of love, and healing the resistance to that love. We have, for the most part, a peaceful relationship. Having been a drama major most of my life, I am gradually getting used to this profound change in curriculum. I am finding out that resting in peace is not just reserved for the dearly departed. Us life hogs can experience it as well, by finding it first within, and then bringing it to all our relations.

Imagine a life where we do not perceive loss at all. Change, yes; but not loss. All of life's experiences, as Ram Dass, has said, are "grist for the mill of awakening." When someone or something leaves our life, we trust and know that it is appropriate. We know that its absence makes room for something better. When a relationship, a job, or a stage of life ends, we do not compulsively rush to fill the space. We allow ourselves to experience the void, the empty space that cleans our slate and prepares us for the next of life's adventures. New guidance and marching orders come, as we let them. Life always evolves us to greater and greater expansion. Even if we kick and scream, fear and resist it, evolution happens. Trusting it, however, is much more fun.

I encourage you to look, as I am also learning to do, upon all the changes in life and see not losses and disappointments, but completions, learning's, inhales and exhales. And the next time you are tempted to diagnose a life experience as a loss, go inside and get a second opinion!


Scott Kalechstein is a traveling minister, a counselor and coach, a modern day troubadour and inspirational speaker. He makes his home in Marin, California and loves presenting at conferences, giving talks, concerts and workshops. In his phone counseling practice, he is a relationship specialist, helping both individuals and couples evolve a more conscious relationship. Call 415-721-2954 to schedule a session, or email him at scott@scottsongs.com. You can visit www.scottsongs.com to read more about his workshops, to hear his talks or to sample songs from his nine CD's. Send him an email to receive writings like this one on a semi-occasional basis. His music has been described as 'the soundtrack of transformation' and can be sampled at www.scottsongs.com. It does come with the following warning: Scott Kalechstein's songs are not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any illness or medical condition. If while listening you laugh your head off and your heart open and symptoms still persist, please see your doctor.

SCOTT'S SCHEDULE

SANTA CRUZ, CA

July 13 - I'll be the guest speaker and solosit at The Center For Conscious Living. Following the 10:30 AM service I'll be leading a workshop from 1:00 PM till 4:00 PM called Say Yes To Your Dreams. Call (831) 462-9383 for the details, or visit Linked text

NOVATO, CA

July 19 - I'll be giving what could be my only local concert in Marin County this year at a lovely Novato home. Contact me at scott@scottsongs.com and I'll email you more info.


SANTA FE, NEW MEXICO

July 24 through 27 - I'll be the troubadour at a Bread For The Journey Retreat, closed to the public.

July 27 - AN EVENING WITH SCOTT KALECHSTEIN - An intimate, humorous, and healing musical night to remember, taking place in Santa Fe at the home of Diane Freburg. Call her at 505-424-9610 for more info.

NEVADA CITY, CA

August 2 - A lovely house concert at the lovely home of Jill and Jon Fox. Call them at 530 265 3802 for the details.

August 3 - I'll be the guest speaker and singer at the Sierra Center For Positive Living. Following the service I'll be offering a workshop called Life From The Inside Out. Call Jill at 530 265 3802 or visit Linked text for the details.

NEW WINDSOR, MARYLAND

August 8, 2008 - August 10, 2008 - I'll be leading workshops, speaking and sharing my music at a weekend called Be the Love, just outside of Baltimore. Visit Linked text for more info.

GAITHERSBURG, MARYLAND
(near Washington DC)

August 16- I will be giving a Saturday night concert at Christ Church Unity of Gaithersburg. Call (301) 947 3626 for more information or visit Linked text.

August 17- I will be the guest minister and singer and follow that up with a workshop at Christ Church Unity of Gaithersburg. Call (301) 947 3626 for more information or visit Linked text.

FREDERICKSBURG, VIRGINIA

August 17 - AN EVENING WITH SCOTT KALECHSTEIN - An intimate and healing and humorous night to remember of divinely inspired music. Email Donna Jones for the scoop at donnamjones64@yahoo.com.

SEDONA, ARIZONA

September 11 - I will be giving a lovely Sedona house concert. Call Leah at 928-202-0123 to find out more.

September 12 through 14 - I will be a troubadour and speaker at the Raw Spirit Festival. Visit Linked text for more info.

PHOENIX, ARIZONA

September 15 - A concert at the Shrine of Holy Wisdom, an INDEPENDENT Catholic denomination which offers an open sacramental ministry, spiritual direction, and study opportunities in Christian Mysticism to all sincere seekers. It is in Tempe. Call 480-219-9633 for more info or visit Linked text

TUCSON, AZ

September 16 - A house concert with myself and Marcia Breitenbach. Pre-registration is required for this concert as space is limited. Get the early-bird ticket price of $15; email marcia@themagnificentyou.com
or call her at 520-975-5376.

PHOENIX, AZ

September 17 - A concert at the Spiritual Enrichment Center in Peoria. Call (623) 972-3205 or visit Linked text for more info.

September 18 - A house concert with yours truly at the home of Jodi Floyd, sponsored by Harmonizing With Humanity. Contact Randy at 877-449-4767 for more info.

September 19 through 21 - I will be at the Temple Emanuel of Tempe giving concerts, workshops, and a talk. Visit Linked text for more info.

DENVER, COLORADO

October 1- I will be offering a workshop/concert called A Course In Miracles- THE MUSICAL! at the Rocky Mountain Miracle Center. Call 303-759-3409 or visit
Linked text for the scoop.

October 2 through 5 - I'll be serving as troubadour for a private gathering of the Renaissance Business Associates.

LONDON, ENGLAND

October 18,19 - I will be the troubadour at Being The Light, A Course In Miracles Conference in London. Visit Linked text for more info.

TORONTO, CANADA

October 24 - 27 - I'll be the conference troubadour at the tenth annual Energy Psychology Conference in Toronto. Visit Linked text

SPOKANE, WASHINGTON

November 1 - I will be leading a one day workshop for the Eastern Washington Family Child Care Association (closed to the public).

FREMONT, CA

November 16 - I'll be singing at the services at the Tri City Church of Religious Science. Visit Linked text for more info. Following the second service I will be offering a concert.



There are many dates in the year that are still open and available. If you would like to discuss how easy it is to bring me to your neck of the woods and set me loose on your community, church, friends, etc., please call me at 415 721 2954 to talk about it. Or email me at scott@scottsongs.com if you prefer typing over chatting.



Back Articles From Previous Muse-Letters

April 2004: Linked text

July 2004: Linked text

December 2004: Linked text

January 2005: Linked text

April 2005: Linked text

May 2005: Linked text

July 2005: Linked text

September 2005: Linked text

November 2005: Linked text

January 2006: Linked text

March 2006: Linked text

June 2006: Linked text

August 2006: Linked text

October 2006: Linked text

December 2006: Linked text

March 2007: Linked text

May 2007: Linked text

June 2007: Linked text

September 2007: Linked text

November 2007: Linked text

January 2008: Linked text

February 2008: Linked text

April 2008: Linked text

Phone Karma

By Scott Kalechstein

"Whenever I have to choose between two evils, I always like to try the one I haven't tried before.

-Mae West

When I was a boy I was quite the troublemaker. I would invite my friends over for a Saturday afternoon of creative hell raising. I told my parents we would be in the basement playing Monopoly, or some other All-American innocent boys activity. We then proceeded to use the telephone for our entertainment, dreaming up some of the most clever and demonic prank phone calls in the history of the art. The communications often ended in the recipient of the call sounding very angry and we, the merry pranksters, laughing uproariously. I remember thinking that if there were such a thing as karmic debt, than I was accumulating quite a phone bill. I was throwing some downright turbulent vibrations into the universal pond!

Well, my friends and I eventually grew tired of such thrills and developed other interests that had more to do with raging hormones and the opposite sex. As time went by, I pretty much forgot about my days of prank phone calling, burying the memory deep within my subconscious, in a folder marked Embarrassing Boyhood Adventures To Not Include On My Resume. I'm sure you can appreciate the wisdom of my pysche in helping me develop prank phone call amnesia. The self-image I was developing was that of a reasonably kind and thoughtful person, not as someone who was capable of ordering free delivery pizza, Chinese food and delicatessen sandwiches to a house down the street, and then hiding with my friends in a nearby bush to watch the mayhem at their front door. OOPS- I told you after all! (I must have needed to unload some of the guilt.)

Fifteen years later my friend Stephen and I fell into being partners in a very different kind of crime. We discovered the joy of Angel Calls. In our lives we collected telephone numbers of people we didn't know, usually people on some sort of personal growth or spiritual path. Then we would designate one night a week to get together and make calls. Stephen would begin by asking, "Excuse me, do you have just a moment to receive a personal message of encouragement from the universe with absolutely no strings attached, nothing religious and nothing to buy?" Sometimes they would say "no" and hang up before we could get started, but often we had their interest, and we would begin. Steve had the gift of being able to tune in to the person intuitively and communicate timely, helpful, and insightful messages, full of poetry and honoring. I played classical guitar in the background while Stephen played the spoken word, and when he was complete, he held the phone close to me and I allowed a song to spontaneously spring up from my heart to theirs, created in the moment just for them. Being lovingly serenaded by an anonymous stranger singing a custom made song with their name and their issues, was quite an experience for most of our receivers. When we were done they would sometimes be sobbing (especially the women), and we'd all be in amazement and gratitude. In our creative playfulness, we were unwittingly delivering some potent mail.

Years before Touched By An Angel was a TV show, Stephen and I were reaching out and touching people over the phone lines, and we kept those close encounters of the angelic kind appropriately anonymous. When people would ask us, "Who are you guys?" we would say something like "Wer're messengers from the universe, and our message is that you are deeply loved!" Our friends got wind of what we were doing and began supplying us with phone numbers, even telling us a little of what the targeted person was working through in their life. This helped us zero in and be even more personal and connecting.

After many months of developing and enjoying our phone ministry, I suddenly remembered my days as a phone prankster. The memories flooded me with regret as I realized that my past actions had hurt some people on the other end of the line. But I also realized that with the Angel Calls I had unwittingly stumbled upon an action that was having the opposite effect on people. I was blessing instead of terrorizing! And I was just following my heart! I didn't start out by saying, "I've got some heavy karma to clean up, so I'm going to do these calls to make amends." I simply let joy be my compass, and joy pointed me in a direction that helped me heal from my past while having fun in the present moment. Now that's a great deal!

Two years ago I got a taste of my past in the form of my phone ringing one Saturday night. "Hi, Dad!" a young female voice said. "You can pick us up now. We're ready to come home!" I thought I heard another voice giggling in the background. Suddenly my instincts kicked in and I knew I was on the receiving end of a prank call! How did I know? I just knew! A criminal can always spot one of its kind. I responded in a way they were not expecting: "Oh, honey, I've been waiting by the phone. Is everything all right? I've been worried sick! Where are you? I'll be right there!" Muffled giggles gave way to loud fits of laughter on the other end. The girls were exposed! I asked them their names, and we ended up talking for hours.

A friend was over for a visit and she, too, got on the phone and connected with our two new, prank-calling, teenage friends. They told us all about their lives, their interests, and their frustrations. When they found out that we were into spirituality and meditation, they freaked! They had all kinds of questions for us, and we talked about everything from UFO's to Buddhism. I sang them some of my songs, and even sent them one of my CD's. For a week they were my phone pals, calling every few days with some new topics to discuss. I so appreciated their openness!

It was a precious experience for all of us, and it started with a prank phone call. Because I had been there and done that, I recognized that, underneath the mischief, they were really reaching out for aliveness and connection. I remembered how bored and frustrated I felt when I was their age, and I was able to respond to their hearts, rather than just react to their behavior. And in the process I felt compassion for myself and for my past. The slate was clean. My checkered past had circled back to me, and it had been transformed into something sweet and positive.

It seems that in following my heart, I am both serving life and clearing my karma. There is some pretty tidy bookkeeping when it comes to these things. The cosmic accountant knows exactly how to keep our spiritual checkbook balanced, especially when we are doing what we love.

"All of your past except its beauty is gone, and nothing is left but a blessing."

-A Course in Miracles

Copyright 2008 Scott Kalechstein, All Rights Reserved


Scott Kalechstein is an inspirational speaker, a transformational humorist, a prolific recording artist, and a modern day troubadour. He makes his home in Marin, California and loves presenting at conferences, giving talks, concerts and workshops. In his phone counseling practice, he is a relationship specialist, helping both individuals and couples grow into conscious relationship. You can visit www.scottsongs.com to read more about his workshops, to hear his talks or to sample songs from his nine CD's. Sign up for his free muse-letters to receive writings like this one on a semi-occasional basis.