The Language Of Love

By Scott Kalechstein

Recently I was presenting a lecture and a workshop on the healing power of music at a Mind, Body & Spirit Conference in Spokane, Washington. It was a thriving market, complete with healers, readers and crystal salespeople offering their wares to shoppers looking for a tweak in their reality. Guitar in hand, I occasionally strolled around the Exhibit Hall, asking assorted attendees if they would like to hear a song. One such woman replied with gusto, "Yes. Please sing me a John Denver song!" I graciously informed her that I was a prolific songwriter in my own light and that I would much prefer to sing her one of my own. "John Denver!" she replied with a fervent tone that was beginning to grate on my nerves.

Unconsciously, I tried to match her energy. With an abundance of cockiness and just a hint of arrogance, I suggested to her that she give me a topic, any topic, and that I would instantly improvise a song just for her. She was not impressed. "John Denver is what I want!" she exclaimed with a sense of entitlement that had officially begun to piss me off.

Abandoning what was left of my patience, I blasted her with my ego's bullhorn, informing her that I have nine wonderful CD's of my own, thank you, and that if she wasn't so fixated on John Denver she might have a Rocky Mountain High peak experience hearing something new from someone who might very well be the next up and coming John Denver!

Her reply was brief, firm and consistent with her past requests. I felt heat rising up my neck. I was starting to take this a bit too seriously. I was feeling very tempted to move on to greener pastures and more open ears. Instead I took a breath, surrendered the power struggle that had infiltrated my nervous system, looked into her eyes, and began to play her Annie's Song, one of my favorite John Denver ballads.

As I started singing "You fill up my senses…" she began crying. In fact, she was openly weeping, with a big grin on her face as well. There we were, sharing an intimate and touching moment, right in the midst of the busy marketplace. Her tears were confusing to me. I thought about stopping the song to offer my support, but her beaming smile told me she was quite all right.

When I finished she practically crushed my guitar in her efforts to hug me. I was hoping for a few words about the depth of her feelings, and she didn't disappoint. "I met John Denver once in Colorado and he serenaded me just like you did. I will never forget the personal interest and warmth he showed me. Your song brought it all back. I needed that today. Thank you so much."

I went back to my booth, stirred up by the experience. I reflected on how close I came to passing her by and not honoring her request. She asked me for a healing in the language she could best receive it, and I thanked God I had the willingness (and the repertoire!) to offer it.

I thought about the potential moments of connection I have missed, the times I have refused to speak somebody's John Denver, insisting on communicating in language I preferred, rather than seeking to learn a bit about their dialect.

When I speak to groups or counsel individuals, I want to converse in a way they can best hear me. If ‘inner child' is a foreign concept, or if the word ‘God' closes the mind, I try to remember there are an infinite number of ways to say the same thing. Could I say it differently? Can I be linguistically creative and flexible?

Recently I had a session from a woman who could only communicate in lingo she had learned from a personal growth workshop she was involved in, one that I had not taken. How frustrating! How limiting!

In matters of the heart, it pays to learn a second language, especially the one of the beloved in front of you. A person with a bad sunburn does not enjoy receiving love in the language of a hug. Someone with a fear of abandonment may not speak the same love language as a person with a fear of entrapment.

Have you ever noticed that these two, one expressing abandonment fears and one scared of losing freedom tend to be drawn to each other? These matches could be a language laboratory made in Heaven for the purposes of healing. "Don't leave me" and "I need space" join in holy friction and hopefully learn to overcome the language barrier between them.

As Paul and Layne Cutright, authors of You Are Never Upset For The Reason You Think, remind us: "Relationships live or die in language." Most relationship problems can be traced not to a lack of love, but to a lack of language skills.

My partner and I have been together for five years, and we continue to learn more about each other's love language as time passes. For instance, she likes to collect herself a bit when she comes home before being hugged and kissed hello. Initially I took her arrival moods personally, perceiving her as cold and aloof, but when I learned her language I was able to let the judgment go and give her the space she needs. Although it is more my natural dialect to greet her at the door with the unbridled enthusiasm of a puppy, I have trained myself to wait until she comes to me before I pounce and lick. Her rewards have been well worth my restraint.

When I take my work to foreign countries, the people there are so pleased when I make an attempt, no matter how clumsy, to communicate in their native tongue. My intention is always warmly and graciously received. Marshall Rosenberg, international peacemaker and teacher of non-violent communication skills, is constantly reminding his students that our heartfelt intention to connect is always more important than our skills or lack thereof. He encourages us to always put connection before correction.

The language of love is the language of the one before us! In all our relations, whether between countries or partners, it is our sincere intent to learn the language of the one we are communicating with that builds a bridge between hearts, making us multi-lingual lovers and personal as well as planetary peacemakers.

"I am here to be truly helpful."

-A Course In Miracles


Described as a cross between John Denver, Eckhart Tolle, and Robin Williams, Scott Kalechstein has been a full time inspirational speaker, musician, writer, traveling reverend and transformational humorist since 1990, with nine CD's distributed internationally. He has spoken and sung and given concerts and workshops at over two hundred hundred New Thought Churches over the years, including Agape, Mile High, and at Unity Village. Scott has provided music at the lectures and workshops of Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Deepak Chopra, John Gray, Ram Dass, Byron Katie, Joan Borysenko, Alan Cohen, and Marianne Williamson, among many others. A pioneer in the field of music improvisation, Scott creates therapeutic "Song Portraits", original compositions of voice and guitar, created in the moment for people wishing greater clarity or guidance on specific issues, and recorded onto CD. His entertaining website is at www.scottsongs.com.

SCOTT'S 2009 SCHEDULE


DAVIS, CA

March 15 - I'll be offering the guest music at the morning service of the Unity Center of Davis. Visit Linked text or call (530) 758-2424 for more info.

CORTE MADERA, CA

March 29 - I'll be the musical guest at the Golden Gate Center For Spiritual Living. Visit Linked text or call 415.924.1494 for the scoop.


MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA

April 4 - I'll be giving a comedy concert at East West Bookstore. Visit Linked text for the scoop, or call (650) 988-9800.

April 5 - I'll be giving private Song Portrait sessions. Visit Linked text, or call (650) 988-9800. For more on Song Portraits, go to Linked text

NOVATO, CA

April 10 - A Friday Night house concert in Marin, open to the public. $20 payable at the door. For more info, email scott@scottsongs.com.


FREMONT, CA

April 12 - I'll be singing at the services at the Tri City Church of Religious Science. Visit Linked text for more info.

AUBURN, CA

April 19 - I'll be the guest speaker and singer at the Foothill Center For Spiritual Living. Following the service I'll be conducting one of my workshops. For more info please pay a visit to: Linked text or call (530) 823-6986.

DUBLIN, CA

April 26 - I'll be the guest singer at the Tri Valley Unity Church. Please visit Linked text for more info.

NAPA, CA

May 3 - I'll be playing at the services and then giving a concert at the Napa Valley Center For Spiritual Living. Visit Linked text or call (707) 252-4847 for more info.


ROWE, MASSACHUSETTS

May 22-25 - Every Memorial Day Weekend I offer my music to complement the love and wisdom of Joyce and Barry Vissell at a lovely and powerfully healing Couples Retreat. Committed relationships are supported, renewed, celebrated, and often helped through rough isssues. Contact Rowe at retreat@RoweCenter.org or call: (413) 339-4954 or visit Linked text

BALTIMORE, MARYLAND

May 29 - I'll be giving a presentation entitled, A Course In Miracles...The Musical! This will be a healing and humurous concert for advanced and beginner students of A Coure In Miracles. Call Pamela for more info at (443) 616 - 7300.

NYACK, NEW YORK

May 30 - I will lead an evening workshop/concert/event on relationships at the Courageous Loving Center. Check out Linked text or call Michael at 845-653-1097 for more info.

HICKSVILLE, LONG ISLAND

May 31- Religious Science Long Island is proud to have me as the guest speaker and singer, which will be followed by a workshop I lead called Where Spirit & Relationships Meet. More info can be found by calling (516)-822-9314 or visiting Linked text

DENVER, COLORADO

June 24 - I will be offering a workshop/concert called A Course In Miracles- THE MUSICAL! at the Rocky Mountain Miracle Center. Call 303-759-3409 or visit
Linked text for the scoop.

BOULDER, COLORADO

June 25 - 28 - The International Society for the Study of Subtle Energies and Energy Medicine (ISSSEEM) - is having a conference on Bridging Science and Spirit. I will be the musical bridge and song weaver for that event. Visit Linked text for more details and info.


TORONTO, CANADA

October 15-19 - I'll be the conference troubadour and keynote comic once again at the 2009 Energy Psychology Conference in Toronto. Visit Linked text




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A President And A Baby

By Scott Kalechstein

Our family is beginning this year with both a new baby and a new President. How yummy.

Watching the inauguration, holding and bouncing Aysia (pronounced like the continent), the new member of our household, Venus and I were tearing up over everything we were seeing and hearing. Waves of relief, excitement, even jubilation seemed to ripple across the face of the earth and through us, our global atmosphere teaming with fresh, new enthusiasm about big changes and possibilities. We were right there riding the waves, watching the dramatic turn of the tide, a new paradigm washing through and around our new president. I could sense the transparency he stood for and would work towards, a government that governed in the light, not in the shadows, without secrets.

And then there was a part of me that was worrying. Why was he being allowed to be in such open space around so many people? I gave the baby to Venus and while she was nursing Aysia, I shriveled and shrank a bit, nursing my fears. I started wishing Obama would shrink some too, not shine so brightly so out in the open, exposing himself to a crowd of two million unpredictable people huddled before him. In that moment, knowing he was surrounded and protected by the finest security in the world did not bring me much comfort.

Meanwhile, my little girl gets to start her life with Barack, Michelle, Sasha and Malia in the White House. She is a growing girl, and she certainly is growing on me. I love holding her, bouncing her on a big rubber exercise ball, meeting those probing, present eyes, as peaceful and clear as can be -that is, until she suddenly starts wailing at the top of her lungs. Time to nurse, burp a bit, get some sleep.

Venus and I laugh a lot at the faces she makes, her constant variations on the theme of over-the-top cuteness. Not much of a sense of humor yet on her side. For her it's a serious and sometimes tedious task, becoming comfortable with density and gravity, a vast being now inhabiting a tiny body.

So vulnerable, so defenseless, so precious and so beautiful…a new life!

A new life for me, too. Radically different from anything I've known before. In my past life, I never owned a pet or even had a plant that needed water more than once a week.

Then along came this life partner creature, this bright, shining Venus. From day one of our dating, Venus imagined me as a dad, a great, groovy, awesome dad. While I gradually waded through my protests, doubts, and fears, protecting and clinging to my freedom, my turf, my life as I knew it, Venus held the vision of becoming a loving family, and doing it our way, with lots of originality, creativity, and joy.

While Venus dreamed of growing roots, I continued my life of routes!

I was a troubadour traveling this universe full time for close to twenty years. I flew solo, no ties, plenty of space, meditation cushion and low mainanence houseplants waiting for me at home.

Now I'm in love with a star-child who needs watering and nurturing much more than once a week.

She shines and twinkles so brightly! Occasionally I shrink a bit, pondering the delicate fragility of her life, and the pain that losing her would bring. In those moments I want to keep her not only nurtured and protected, but hidden as well, as safe and secure as she was in her mother's belly.

Nature, however, has deemed that nine months in an enclosed environment is just about right. In the name of growth, development, and adventure, it is then time to thrust (and trust) oneself out into some open space.

While my ego, which came into existence as a protection plan against imagined threats, would like to station the finest Secret Service agents around my daughter at all times, I will do better to lighten up and trust in her angels and guides, who are always around us, at our service, and without the secrets.

In the words of Emmanuel, "Fear tells you: I want to make you safe. Love says: You are already safe."

Barack Michelle Sasha Malia Venus Aysia Me You.

Bright lights, shining out in the open.

What gorgeous times!


Copyright 2009 Scott Kalechstein, All Rights Reserved


Pics & Videos Of Our Family Can Be Found At: Linked text

Performance UTubes of me can be found at:
Linked text


Described as a cross between John Denver, Eckhart Tolle, and Robin Williams, Scott Kalechstein has been a full time inspirational speaker, musician, writer, traveling reverend and transformational humorist since 1990, with nine CD's distributed internationally. He has spoken and sung and given concerts and workshops at over two hundred hundred New Thought Churches over the years, including Agape, Mile High, and at Unity Village. Scott has provided music at the lectures and workshops of Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Deepak Chopra, John Gray, Ram Dass, Byron Katie, Joan Borysenko, Alan Cohen, and Marianne Williamson, among many others. A pioneer in the field of music improvisation, Scott creates therapeutic "Song Portraits", original compositions of voice and guitar, created in the moment for people wishing greater clarity or guidance on specific issues, and recorded onto CD. His entertaining website is at www.scottsongs.com.