The Language Of Love
By Scott Kalechstein

Recently I was presenting a lecture and a workshop on the healing power of music at a Mind, Body & Spirit Conference in Spokane, Washington. It was a thriving New Age market, complete with Tarot readers and crystal salespeople offering their wares to shoppers looking for a tweak in their reality. Guitar in hand, I occasionally strolled around the Exhibit Hall, asking assorted attendees if they would like to hear a song. One such woman replied with gusto, "Yes. Please sing me a John Denver song!" I graciously informed her that I was a prolific songwriter in my own light and that I would much prefer to sing her one of my own. "John Denver!" she replied with a fervent tone that was beginning to grate on my nerves.

Unconsciously, I tried to match her energy. With an abundance of cockiness and just a hint of arrogance, I suggested to her that she give me a topic, any topic, and that I would instantly improvise a song just for her. She was not impressed. "John Denver is what I want!" she exclaimed with a sense of entitlement that had officially begun to piss me off.

Abandoning what was left of my patience, I blasted her with my ego's bullhorn, informing her that I have eight CD's of my own, thank you, and that if she wasn't so fixated on John Denver she might have a Rocky Mountain High peak experience hearing something new from someone who might very well be the next up and coming John Denver!

Her reply was firm and consistent with her past requests. I felt heat rising up my neck. I was starting to take this a bit too seriously. I was feeling very tempted to move on to greener pastures and more open ears. Instead I took a breath, surrendered the power struggle, looked into her eyes, and began to play her Annie's Song, one of my favorite John Denver ballads.

As I started singing "You fill up my senses…" she began crying. In fact, she was openly weeping, with a big grin on her face as well. There we were, sharing a miraculous moment, right in the midst of the busy marketplace. I thought about stopping the song to offer my support, but her beaming smile told me she was quite all right.

When I finished she practically crushed my guitar in her efforts to hug me. I was hoping for a few words about the depth of her feelings, and she didn't disappoint. "I met John Denver once in Colorado and he serenaded me just like you did. I will never forget the personal interest and warmth he showed me. Your song brought it all back. Thank you so much."

I went back to my booth, touched and stirred up by the experience. I reflected on how close I came to passing her by and not honoring her request. She asked me for a healing in the language she could best receive it, and I thanked God I had the willingness (and the repertoire!) to offer it.

I thought about the potential miracles I have missed, the times I have refused to speak somebody's John Denver, insisting on communicating in language I preferred, rather than seeking to learn a bit about their dialect.

When I speak to groups or counsel individuals, I want to converse in a way they can best hear me. If ‘inner child' is a foreign concept, or if the word ‘God' closes the mind, I try to remember there are an infinite number of ways to say the same thing. Could I say it differently? Can I be linguistically creative and flexible?

Recently I had a session from a woman who could only communicate in lingo she had learned from a personal growth workshop she was involved in, one that I had not taken. How frustrating! How limiting!

In matters of the heart, it pays to learn a second language, especially the one of the beloved in front of you. A person with a bad sunburn does not enjoy receiving love in the language of a hug. Someone with a fear of abandonment may not speak the same love language as a person with a fear of suffocation.

Have you ever noticed that these two, one expressing abandonment fears and one scared of suffocation tend to be drawn to each other? These matches could be a language laboratory made in Heaven for the purposes of healing. "I need space" and "Don't leave me" join in holy friction and hopefully learn to overcome the language barrier between them.

As Paul and Layne Cutright, authors of You Are Never Upset For The Reason You Think, remind us: "Relationships live or die in language." Most relationship problems can be traced not to a lack of love, but to a lack of language skills.

My partner and I have been learning each other's love language. For instance, she likes to collect herself a bit when she comes home before being hugged and kissed hello. Initially I took her arrival moods personally, perceiving her as cold and aloof, but when I learned her language I was able to let the judgment go and give her the space she needs. Although it is more my natural dialect to greet her at the door with the unbridled enthusiasm of a puppy, I have trained myself to wait until she comes to me before I pounce and lick. Her rewards have been well worth my restraint.

When I take my work to foreign countries, the people there are so pleased when I make an attempt, no matter how clumsy, to communicate in their native tongue. My intention is always warmly and graciously received. Marshall Rosenberg, international peacemaker and teacher of non-violent communication skills, is constantly reminding his students that our heartfelt intention to connect is always more important than our skills or lack thereof. He encourages us to always put connection before correction.

The language of love is the language of the one before us! In all our relations, whether between countries or partners, it is our sincere intent to learn the language of the one we are communicating with that builds a bridge between hearts, making us multi-lingual lovers and personal as well as planetary peacemakers.

"I am here to be truly helpful."

-A Course In Miracles

Scott Kalechstein is a modern day troubadour. His music has been called 'the soundtrack of awakening' and can be sampled at http://www.scottsongs.com

SCOTT'S SCHEDULE

RHODE ISLAND, MASSACHUSSETTS, (NEW ENGLAND)

August 10- Song Portrait Circle and private Song Portrait sessions in Brooksby Village(Retirement Community) Peobody,Ma

August 11- Where Spirit & Relationships Meet, Portsmouth RI, contact Terry Wilderman at 401-683-6406 or Lisa Lifrak 831-419-3317 for more info…

August 12- An open date in New England! Call Lisa Lifrak at 831-419-3317 if you would like to set something up.

August 13- A Song Portrait Circle in Portsmouth RI.
Contact Lisa Lifrak at 831-419-3317 for details.

August 14- A full day Song Portrait Circle in Portsmouth RI.
Contact Lisa Lifrak at 831-419-3317 for details.

August 15- An open Sunday in New England. Any churches out there want a last minute guest speaker/soloist?

August 18 through August 26 I'll be on VACATION and, strange as it may feel, I will be resisting the temptation to check my emails or phone messages.

TEXAS

(Of course, while I'm in Texas I'd like to arrange a visit with George Bush at his ranch in Crawford and sing him a Song Portrait, but so far the White House hasn't gotten back to me yet.)

FT. WORTH, TX

August 8 through August 11- I'll be doing Song Portrait Circles, private sessions, and entertaining the mystics here and there at a Church retreat over at Unity of FT. Worth. Drop in for a visit if you're from around those parts. Contact the church at 817 423-2965 for the scoop.

ARLINGTON, TX

August 12- I'll be the featured guest speaker and singer and afternoon workshop leader at Unity of Arlington. Call 817 467 5151 for the details.

TUCSON, ARIZONA

September 17- I'll be giving a keynote presentation and a workshop at The Arizona Association For Alcohol and Drug Abuse Counselors Annual Conference. If you'd like to attend please contact Elaine at 520 798-3659, Ext 120.

September 17- A TUCSON FRIDAY NIGHT CONCERT. This is part of the Conference, but is open to the public as well. Please contact Elaine at 520 798-3659, Ext 120.

September 18 through the 26th- ARIZONA TOUR! All Arizonians interested in hosting an event, all churches interested in having me on Sunday the 19th or Sunday the 26, please contact me. Tucson, Phoenix, Prescott, Sedona, etc: Consider yourselves warned. I'm coming to town!

SAN DIEGO AREA, CA

October 8 though October 11- I will be co-facilitating a retreat with Rev. Blair Tabor of Christ Church Unity in San Diego. It is called Renewal Of The Heart and will take place at Angel's Landing Resort in Julian. Call 619-280-2501, Ext 109 for more information.

FREDERICKSBURG, VIRGINIA

October 15, 16, 17- I'll be at the Unity Church of Fredericksburg, giving a Song Portrait Circle on Friday night, private Song Portrait Sessions on Saturday, a concert Saturday night, and I'll be the guest speaker and singer on Sunday morning, followed by an afternoon workshop. Sunday night I'll collapse in gratitude, contentment and exhaustion. Call 540 710-1235 for details.

NEW YORK AND SURROUNDING AREAS

October 20 through October 23- I'll be available for concerts and workshops all week. E-Mail or call me at 760 753 2359 to explore setting something up.

ALBANY, NEW YORK

October 24- I will be the guest speaker and singer at Unity of Albany. As you may have suspected, I'll be leading a workshop of some kind after the service. Call (518) 453-3603 for the scoop.

WARNING: To All Who May Be Reading This….

This is a time-sensitive message advising all people on Scott Kalechstein's email list not to go to any of his listed happenings. These events, if attended, may cause huge outbreaks of peace, joy and laughter. I am a member of S.O.S, (Save Our Suffering) and I have snuck into Scott's Muse-Letter to send out this message.

Scott is known for spreading contagious joy spores through music. His songs, sounding innocent enough at first listen, end up leaving the listener unable to maintain control of one's suffering. When left unchecked, these songs have been known to cause spontaneous outbursts of self-love and a shameless celebration of life. We urge you to delete and burn this email right away after reading it, as it may contain a virus that could cause you to smile against your will. If you have smiled at all while reading any part of this, you are already infected and may as well go to the Scott Kalechstein events anyway. There is no known cure.

P.S. Whatever you do, do not be tempted to visit Scott's website, http://www.scottsongs.com If you do, you might, in a moment of weakness, click on his CD section and actually listen to his music. People who have done this end up purchasing his CD's, which is how the joy spores have spread worldwide.