The Terror-List

By Scott Kalechstein

"Resist not evil."
- Jesus The Christ

In a cave between my ears there hides a terrorist who has been waging a holy war for a very long time. He believes that he is justified in using force and fear tactics, and that it is necessary to hold my inner child hostage to create real change and growth. He presents a running list of demands - all the things I must accomplish before I can feel good enough about myself to love myself unconditionally. The list is never-ending, and somewhat insatiable. Whenever I meet a demand, three new ones automatically pop up on the bottom of the list.

Sometimes my attitude toward this list has been to acquiesce to its tyranny. I'll push myself with fear and guilt to accomplish as much as I can, and usually have little or no fun in the process. Other times I will seek to overthrow the terror-list with a labor strike. "No I won't, and you can't make me!" my rebel shouts in defiance, while making sure I am engaged in his favorite form of peaceful, passive, political protest…being a couch potato. When the rebel strikes, nothing gets done, and two more demands get added to the list: overcome procrastination and laziness.

The terrorist feels threatened whenever I am relaxed, at ease, content. He thinks that if I take it easy I will not be interested in getting all the other things I should do done. And, by the way, ‘should' appears on the list more than any other word.

Time and experience have proven to me that my inner terrorist does not yield when I fight him, which only seems to make him stronger. Since what we resist tends to persist, waging a war on inner terrorism is just as endless and pointless as an outer war on terror.

What can make the peace is the practice of observing him with compassion, making contact with the deeper feelings (fear) underneath the surface show of aggression. Also, it helps to see clearly, from a detached witness place, the game being played out. It goes like this: First we imagine that there is such a thing as human perfection, and that we are falling quite short of it. Then we summon our childhood friends from the old neighborhood, guilt and shame, to march in a holy war to rid ourselves of our faults and weaknesses. Pumping me up with adrenaline, they drive me to put the pedal to the metal and get my ass in gear. Does it work? No, because rebel forces are determined not to be driven around by a terrorist, and they make quite sure that one foot stays on the brake, making for quite a rough ride.

So what is this terror-list, really? An old, outdated, fundamentalist way of thinking and relating… fear-based, unconscious, mental masturbation. And, like many old-time religious folks believed about masturbation, this kind does indeed lead to going blind: losing sight of the innocence in myself and in others.

I started learning about this myopia of the mind when I was practicing The Morning Pages, a discipline outlined in Julia Cameron's book The Artist's Way. It consists of writing every day three pages of uncensored thoughts, freely associated without pausing to direct their flow. I found myself amazed at the degree of negative chatter spilling on to a page at any given moment, and how much of it related to perceptions of ‘not enough-ness': I'm not good enough, she's not good enough, the money's not enough, …not enough, not enough, not enough! By about the third page, I had enough already, and would often spontaneously bring forth positive, life-affirming, loving messages from a deeper place within me. And so I discovered that if I let my terrorist have the pen for a while, it eventually would feel heard and give way to the musings of my higher self.

Since the day the Twin Towers came down, I've had more success negotiating a cease-fire with my inner terrorist. I realized I couldn't necessarily control or prevent crisis in the outside world, but I could focus on creating peace and solidarity in my inner world. Now, when I become aware of struggling to meet demands on the terror-list, my higher self reminds me to lighten up and let in the light. As the lightworker that I am, I have a job to do (be) and that there is nothing that I need to fix before doing (being) it. I got the job by answering a classified ad that I saw in the employment section on September 11th, 2001. (The ad had been running way before that, but since that date there has been a dramatic global increase in response.) Here is what I saw:

HELP WANTED: FANTASTIC HIGHER SELF-EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITY!

NEEDED: Sincere human beings to give their gifts and be the light of the world. Doesn't matter how flawed you imagine yourself to be. Perfection not required, just willingness. Must be willing to give and receive love, voice your vision, stand for truth, face your fears, forgive mistakes, own your shadow, be the light, trust the universe, and enjoy mystery, paradox and change. Come as you are. On the job training provided. …Oh, and must be willing to consider that you are mistaken about being damaged goods. God doesn't make junk.


On September 11th, I asked myself more deeply than ever: Does this planet have the luxury of the time I waste when I indulge in my addiction to shame and guilt? There is work to be done. Humanity needs me (and you) to joyfully heal inner terrorism and to be a channel for love. Unconditional, across the board self-acceptance is what opens the conduit. I con du it. You con du it. We each con do our part, once we stop giving our power away to the con artist inside our head that makes us feel small, scared, and inadequate.

The choice has always been this simple, but it has never been this abundantly clear: love or fear. Both are quite contagious, and both are spread quite rapidly from mind to mind and heart to heart. Whether facing inner or outer terrorism, in each instant we have the choice to respond with love or react in fear. What will it be in this moment?


Scott Kalechstein, M.D.T. (Modern Day Troubadour) lives in Marin, California and lightens and opens hearts and minds for a living. Described as a cross between John Denver, Eckhart Tolle, and Robin Williams, Scott has been a full time inspirational speaker, musician, writer, traveling reverend and transformational humorist since 1990, with nine CD's of his being distributed internationally. Scott has provided music at the lectures and workshops of Deepak Chopra, Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, John Gray, Ram Dass, Byron Katie, Joan Borysenko, Alan Cohen, and Marianne Williamson, among many others. A pioneer in the field of music improvisation, Scott creates therapeutic "Song Portraits", original compositions of voice and guitar, recorded onto CD's, spontaneously composed for people wishing greater clarity or guidance on specific issues. His entertaining website is at www.scottsongs.com.

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SCOTT'S SCHEDULE


SEDONA, AZ

October 12-14 - I will be one of the roaming and roving troubadours making music at the Raw Spirit Festival. Visit
Linked text for more info.

MARIN, CA

October 21 - I'll be the guest soloist at Unity of Marin in Novato. Visit
Linked text for more info.

ENGLAND

October Thursday 25 - Tuesday 30 - Scott Kalechstein's first UK tour!
Visit Linked text and scroll down to October 25 for the tour schedule and the scoop.

MARIN, CA

November 4 - I'll be the guest musical artist at the Golden Gate Center For Spiritual Living. Visit Linked text for the details.

November 10 - A Cosmic Comedy House Concert in Novato.
Concert starts at 7:30pm. Suggested Donation: $20. Space is limited and may fill up so please RSVP directly to Scott as soon as possible to: scott@scottsongs.com. Upon receiving your email Scott himself will send you the address of the Novato home.


FREMONT, CA

November 18 - I'll be singing at the services at the Tri City Church of Religious Science. Visit Linked text for more info.

MENDOCINO, CA

December 8 - I'll be offering a fully day Song Portrait Circle workshop. Visit Linked text to learn more about Song Portraits, and visit Linked text for the contact church that is sponsoring the workshop, which is the Mendocino Religious Science Center for Spiritual Awakening.

December 9 - I'll be the guest speaker and singer at the Mendocino Religious Science Center for Spiritual Awakening. Following the service, I'll be leading a workshop on relationships. Please visit Linked text for the scoop.

A FEW COMING ATTRACTIONS FOR 2008

NEW WINDSOR, MARYLAND

August 8, 2008 - August 10, 2008 - I'll be leading workshops, speaking and sharing my music at a weekend called Be the Love, just outside of Baltimore. Visit Linked text for more info.

TORONTO, CANADA

October 24 - 27 - I'll be the conference troubadour at the tenth annual Energy Psychology Conference in Toronto. Visit Linked text

The Conscious Relationship Workout

By Scott Kalechstein

" As you may have noticed, relationships are not here to make you happy or fulfilled. If you continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again. But if you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then the relationship will offer you salvation, and you will be aligning yourself with the higher consciousness that wants to be born into this world."

-Eckhart Tolle


The following questions & exercises are designed to be a vigorous workout in the mental and emotional gym to help you get in better shape for relationship as a path of awakening.

Warning: Contents under pressure. This material may not be suitable for those attached to looking for love in all the wrong places, namely outside of yourself, and might cause considerable pressure to outgrow unconscious relationship habits and beliefs modeled after fairy tales and country and western songs.

This workout is for you if you are:

q Looking for a relationship
q Enjoying a relationship
q Facing challenges in a relationship
q Recuperating from a relationship

What You'll Need: A pen, paper, willingness, courage, self-honesty, and a sense of humor!

If A Healthy Relationship Is Icing On The Cake...

How is your cake doing?

Are you feeling full and rich and delicious about yourself and your life?

To what extent are you waiting for the frosting of a mate to complete you?


The Musical Metaphysical Dating Service Wants You To Ponder...

Is the music on your Llfe force channel turned up high enough so your unique song can be heard by others of like mind and heart?

Could it be that if you play the melody of your soul song sweet, loud and clear, that your soul mate might just come along to add the harmony?

Do you keep your music down so you won't disturb the neighbors?


Ending The Waiting Game

Make a list of ten things you want to do or have that you've been waiting to share with a partner.

Which ones are you willing to do now, partner or not?

Imagine your ideal mate giving you love, nurturing and attention. What exactly do you imagine them saying and doing? Do you envision them being patient, caring, generous, romantic? What nutrients are you hungry for that seem to be missing in your life that you have been thinking only a mate can give you? What in that fantasy are you willing to actually give to yourself right now?

Write down three actions that demonstrate your love of yourself. Do them.


Fantasy Island

Write down your juiciest fantasy of what an ideal relationship can do for you. Really indulge your romantic idealism. Then read aloud what you wrote. Where did these ideas come from? Movies? Parents? Songs? Childhood daydreams? How old were you when you started dreaming of romance being such an essential ingredient for happiness? What was going on in your life? What was missing?

Reality Island

Imagine that you are really connected to and coming from wholeness, and that feeling juicy and complete is your core level emotional truth, reflected in all your relations. Imagine what it would feel like to come to a relationship as a full cup, overflowing onto another. Imagine being more present, more playful, more vulnerable, more truthful. Imagine being less in a rush to go anywhere, to get anything, or to make something happen. Imagine validating yourself so fully that your relationship is icing on the cake, a delicious addition to a delicious you.


SAILING YOUR RELATION-SHIP THROUGH ROUGH SEAS

"The ego always speaks first. It's voice is always the loudest, and it is always wrong."
-A Course In Miracles


Building A Bridge Over Troubled Waters

Sharing solely what's in your head brings about defensiveness and separation. Dropping down and coming from your vulnerability with self-responsibility builds a bridge.

Can you communicate feelings and wants without blame and judgment?

Does anger exist without the intent to hurt or blame? If so, what might it sound like? Might it have a healing purpose?

Can you ever win at your partner's expense?

Imagine something difficult that you want to share with someone you care about, something that involves you feeling angry, hurt, scared. Write down how you would most want to communicate. Then read what you wrote. How would you feel being on the receiving end of that communication? Keep fine tuning it until it feels like you are honoring of yourself, your partner, and the process.


On Healthy Selfishness: Commitment to Self Must Be Present Before Commitment to Another Is Possible

Are boundaries essential for intimacy?

Did Jesus have boundaries? (Ask the money changers!)

Are boundaries different from walls?

Can you stand up for yourself when the risk is that you will be judged, or even abandoned?

What keeps you from saying yes when you mean yes and no when you mean no?

What is the cost in your intimate relationships when you can't say no?

Make a list of ten things you stand for and ten things you won't stand for in your relationships.


Let's Get Real About The Ego (which is not real, anyway!)

What do you hate about your partner? Pick one thing that drives you crazy. Listen to the story in your head about how their behavior is responsible for your absence of peace. Tell that story on paper. Exaggerate it. Have fun. Declare to God that you are committed to being a victim here. Laugh, and be entertained. What's the point of having drama if you are not enjoying it on some level? Do not resist your resistance to self-responsibility. Just observe it and bless it from the place in you that is a compassionate witness.

Ask God to take your blame thoughts and hurt feelings and transform them as you forgive yourself for your projections. Then let it go. Don't try to fix yourself. Drop it. You've done your part.

Gently be on the lookout for spontaneous and effortless moments of patience and humor with your partner when they are acting in ways that have a history of triggering you. Celebrate each moment of patience, and forgive the rest.


What If?

What if the thing you would most like to change about your partner is the very thing that is propelling you to evolve and awaken?

List three ways that your current relationship challenge is developing you as a soul.

What if your grievances towards your beloved were connected to ways you withhold love from yourself?

List three grievances and how expanding your love of self would dissolve them.


Permission To Experiment


If you are usually quick to express your blame thoughts and feelings to your partner before sorting them out inside yourself, then permission granted next time you get into a reactive state to deactivate - which means taking a time out to do inner work, to love and forgive and nurture yourself enough so you can come back to your mate and report about your feelings self-responsibly rather than taking an emotional dump on them.

If you are always ever so careful and conscious about sharing your feelings and your stuff with your mate, if you are ever so good at holding it in, then permission granted to lose it - get real, get messy, break some eggshells, and trust the two of you to work it out. Sometimes thunderstorms are needed to freshen and clear the air.


To Be A Pioneer...

Deep, rich, non-codependent relationships are indeed the final frontier, and requires that we boldly go where we have not yet gone before. Permission granted to see yourself as a courageous pioneer, forging and fumbling your way to a new world. Permission granted to make mistakes, to blame, to forgive, to heal fantasies, to take back projections, to experiment, explore, and celebrate the joys, challenges, and evolutionary opportunities of conscious relationships!

List three ways that you are a pioneer in your relationships and three things you can do to reward yourself for your courage and vision on your journey...



Scott Kalechstein is a traveling minister, a counselor and coach, a modern day troubadour and inspirational speaker. He makes his home in Marin, California and loves presenting at conferences, giving talks, concerts and workshops, sometimes with his beloved partner, Venus Elyse, (www.innerwings.com). In his phone counseling practice, he is a relationship specialist, helping both individuals and couples heal, manifest, and awaken into conscious relationship. Call 415-721-2954 to schedule a session, or email him at scott@scottsongs.com. You can visit www.scottsongs.com to read more about his workshops, to hear his talks or to sample songs from his nine CD's. Send him an email to receive writings like this one on a semi-occasional basis.

Back Articles From Previous Muse-Letters

September 2007: Linked text

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